In “Boy Meets Girl“, Joshua Harris offers a refreshing approach to relationships, romance, and courtship in a culture that often undermines traditional values. Drawing from his own personal experiences and biblical principles, Harris challenges readers to rethink the way they approach dating and navigate the intricate world of romantic relationships. In his thought-provoking book, Harris provides practical insights and guidance to help young men and women develop Christ-centered relationships that honor God and lead to long-lasting love. As an influential author and speaker, Joshua Harris has become well-known for his best-selling book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” which ignited a global conversation about biblical courtship. With “Boy Meets Girl”, he continues to inspire and encourage readers to pursue God-glorifying relationships that exemplify true love and selflessness.
Chapter 1: The Starting Point of Love
Chapter 1 of “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris, titled “The Starting Point of Love,” sets the foundation for the book and explores the contrast between the world’s view of love and the Christian perspective. Harris begins by sharing his observation that our society tends to focus on physical attraction as the primary starting point for romantic relationships, leading to a shallow understanding of love.
He then introduces the concept of “passive love” – the idea that we passively wait for love to happen to us, believing that it is entirely out of our control. Harris challenges this notion and presents an alternative perspective – that love requires taking an active role and making intentional choices.
Harris emphasizes the importance of cultivating our character and growing in Christ-like love before pursuing romantic relationships. He highlights the significance of true love rooted in selflessness, sacrifice, and commitment, rather than mere infatuation and fleeting emotions.
Furthermore, the author stresses the significance of finding guidance from God’s Word and seeking His will in our pursuit of love. He encourages readers to trust in God’s sovereignty and love, believing that He knows what is best for our lives and relationships.
Harris also addresses the common misconception that physical attraction is the most crucial factor in love, asserting that true love goes beyond physical appearances and encompasses the heart, character, and spiritual compatibility.
In summary, Chapter 1 of “Boy Meets Girl” challenges the prevalent cultural narrative and calls readers to shift their focus from physical attraction to deeper aspects of love. It emphasizes taking an active role in cultivating our character, seeking God’s guidance, and pursuing love with selflessness and commitment.
Chapter 2: The Standard of True Love
Chapter 2 of the book “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris, titled “The Standard of True Love,” explores the importance of approaching romantic relationships in line with biblical principles and God’s standard of love.
Harris begins by highlighting how today’s culture often portrays love superficially, emphasizing physical attraction and infatuation rather than true love built on character and commitment. He states that many people let their feelings dictate their actions, leading to emotional and physical compromises that go against God’s design for relationships. Harris argues that this approach can ultimately lead to heartbreak and disappointment.
To counter this cultural norm, Harris introduces the concept of agape love, which is the divine love that God shows towards humanity. This love is characterized by selflessness, sacrifice, and commitment. Harris states that true love is not just a feeling but a choice and a commitment to honor and serve the other person.
The chapter also explores the concept of purity in relationships. Harris emphasizes the importance of physical and emotional boundaries and challenges readers to live a life of integrity and sexual purity before marriage. He emphasizes that true love waits and resists the temptation to engage in behaviors that compromise purity.
In “The Standard of True Love,” Harris encourages readers to seek godly wisdom and guidance when it comes to romantic relationships. He stresses the importance of aligning one’s actions and intentions with biblical principles to experience the fullness of love as intended by God.
Chapter 3: The Sacred Pursuit
Chapter 3 of “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris is titled “Beyond Waiting: The Sacred Pursuit.” In this chapter, Harris explores the concept of waiting for a romantic relationship and challenges readers to go beyond simply waiting and actively pursue God’s best for their lives.
Harris begins by acknowledging the challenge many people face in waiting for the right person to come along. He emphasizes that while waiting is important, it should not be passive. Instead, he encourages readers to focus on pursuing God and His purposes in their lives.
The author emphasizes that the key to finding a healthy and fulfilling relationship is to cultivate a close relationship with God. Harris points out that knowing and loving God should be the foundation of any relationship, as it provides the necessary guidance and wisdom to navigate romantic pursuits.
Furthermore, Harris emphasizes the importance of being content and finding purpose in singleness. He encourages readers to make the most of their current season of life and not view singleness as a mere waiting period.
Harris also discusses the role of community and seeking wise counsel in pursuing a relationship. He highlights the value of getting input from trusted friends and mentors who have wisdom and insight. Seeking advice from others can save individuals from potential heartache and missteps.
In summary, Chapter 3 of “Boy Meets Girl” challenges readers to move beyond simply waiting for a relationship and actively pursue God’s purposes for their lives. It emphasizes cultivating a relationship with God, finding contentment in singleness, and seeking wise counsel in romantic pursuits. It serves as a reminder that true fulfillment comes from seeking God rather than solely focusing on finding a romantic partner.
Chapter 4: Emotions and Feelings
Chapter 4 of the book “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris explores the topic of emotions and feelings in relationships. The main focus is on understanding the significance of emotions, how to handle them in a healthy way, and recognizing their impact on decision-making.
The chapter starts by highlighting the different ways people approach emotions. Some individuals see emotions as fleeting, unreliable, and therefore not worth paying much attention to. Others base their decisions solely on how they feel in the moment, disregarding logic and long-term consequences. Harris argues that both extremes are unhelpful and that emotions can provide valuable insight if handled correctly.
Harris encourages readers to view emotions as helpful indicators of what is happening within oneself. While emotions can be intense and overwhelming, they shouldn’t be ignored or dismissed. The author stresses the importance of understanding the underlying causes of emotions and discerning whether they are a result of external circumstances or internal struggles.
Additionally, Harris addresses the manipulation of emotions and the danger of using them to manipulate others. He emphasizes that manipulating emotions is not a respectful or healthy way to navigate relationships and encourages open and honest communication instead.
Moreover, the chapter acknowledges that emotions can fluctuate and change rapidly, making them an unreliable foundation for decision-making. Instead, Harris suggests using a combination of emotions and wisdom to guide one’s choices. He emphasizes the importance of seeking clarity and understanding, rather than acting impulsively based solely on feelings.
In summary, Chapter 4 of “Boy Meets Girl” emphasizes the importance of understanding emotions, acknowledging their role in relationships, and using them as a guide rather than a dictator. By developing a balanced approach to emotions and making decisions based on a combination of emotions and wisdom, individuals can navigate relationships in a healthier and more fulfilling way.
Chapter 5: Dating and Courtship
Chapter 5 of “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris delves into the topic of dating and courtship, encouraging readers to approach romantic relationships with intentionality and a commitment to God’s principles.
Harris begins this chapter by highlighting the importance of distinguishing between worldly dating and a biblical perspective on courtship. He emphasizes that dating, as it is often portrayed in society, tends to focus on personal fulfillment rather than seeking to honor God and serve others. Harris suggests a different approach, one that involves purposeful courtship driven by the desire to understand the other person’s character, discern compatibility, and responsibly protect one’s emotions.
The author emphasizes the significance of building friendship before pursuing a romantic relationship. He stresses the value of developing a strong foundation of friendship by spending time together in group settings and getting to know one another’s personalities, interests, and values. This approach allows both individuals to evaluate character, observe how the other person interacts with family and friends, and recognize any potential red flags.
Harris also addresses the concept of “guarding your heart,” urging readers to be cautious in their emotional investments and not to rush into a romantic relationship based solely on physical or superficial attraction. He encourages establishing emotional boundaries and seeking guidance from trusted mentors or parents in order to make wise decisions.
Furthermore, the author discusses the role of parents in the process of courtship. Harris encourages open communication, respect, and a willingness to consider parental wisdom when exploring romantic relationships. He believes that involving parents can provide a valuable perspective and contribute to a healthier and more God-honoring dating experience.
In conclusion, Chapter 5 of “Boy Meets Girl” emphasizes the importance of approaching dating and courtship with intentionality, putting God’s principles at the center of romantic relationships rather than societal norms. It encourages the cultivation of friendship, building emotional boundaries, seeking guidance from trusted mentors, and involving parents throughout the process. By adopting these principles, individuals are more likely to navigate romantic relationships wisely and in a way that honors God.
Chapter 6: Authentic Intimacy
Chapter 6 of the book “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris focuses on the concept of authentic intimacy in relationships. The chapter emphasizes the importance of building trust, vulnerability, and emotional connection in a romantic relationship.
Harris starts by highlighting the common misconception among people that physical intimacy is equivalent to true intimacy. He argues that genuine intimacy goes beyond physical affection and instead involves emotional and spiritual connection. Authentic intimacy requires a deep understanding, appreciation, and acceptance of one another’s true selves.
The author suggests that vulnerability is a crucial component of authentic intimacy. It involves revealing one’s fears, dreams, and weaknesses without fear of judgment. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we create an environment of trust and acceptance, which fosters a deeper connection with our partner.
Another vital aspect of authentic intimacy is communication. Harris emphasizes the need for open and honest dialogue to understand each other’s desires, expectations, and boundaries. Communicating effectively allows couples to navigate potential conflicts or misunderstandings, fostering a stronger emotional bond.
Furthermore, Harris discusses the significance of emotional purity. He encourages readers to guard their hearts and emotions, avoiding premature emotional involvement and investing in healthy friendships. Emotional purity helps individuals develop a strong sense of self and discernment, enabling them to build authentic intimacy on a solid foundation.
In summary, Chapter 6 of “Boy Meets Girl” highlights the importance of authentic intimacy in relationships. It emphasizes the need for vulnerability, open communication, and emotional purity as key elements in fostering a deep and meaningful connection with a partner. By understanding and practicing these principles, individuals can cultivate relationships built on trust, respect, and genuine intimacy.
Chapter 7: The Covenant of Marriage
Chapter 7 of the book “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris is titled “The Covenant of Marriage.” In this chapter, Harris delves into the concept of marriage as a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, emphasizing the importance of understanding and committing to the lifelong commitment that marriage entails.
Harris begins by acknowledging that our culture often treats marriage as a temporary arrangement, focusing on personal fulfillment rather than faithful love. He argues that true love is not a fleeting emotion but a choice to commit oneself fully to another person, regardless of the circumstances that may arise.
The author emphasizes that marriage is not just a social contract or a legal agreement but a divine covenant established by God. This covenant is characterized by unconditional love, sacrificial commitment, and unwavering faithfulness. Harris stresses the importance of preparing for marriage by seeking God’s guidance and understanding His design for marital relationships.
Furthermore, the author offers six key elements that should be present in a marriage covenant: commitment, communication, intimacy, friendship, prayer, and passion. He explains how each of these elements contributes to a strong and fulfilling marriage, highlighting the importance of prioritizing one’s spouse and actively investing in the relationship.
Harris also reminds readers that marriage is not solely about personal happiness but also entails serving and selflessly loving one’s spouse. He encourages couples to pursue holiness as individuals and as a couple, recognizing that God’s ultimate goal in marriage is to refine and transform them into the likeness of Christ.
In summary, Chapter 7 of “Boy Meets Girl” underscores the sacredness of marriage as a covenant established by God. Harris emphasizes the need for understanding and committing to the lifelong nature of marriage and provides practical advice and principles to foster a strong and fulfilling marital relationship.
Chapter 8: The Fruits of Love
In Chapter 8 of “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris, titled “The Fruits of Love,” the author explores the concept of love and its manifestations in our lives and relationships. Harris emphasizes that love is not merely an emotion but a decision and commitment to selflessly care for and serve others.
Harris begins by discussing how love requires sacrifice and the willingness to put others’ needs above our own. He introduces the analogy of a fruit tree, explaining that just as a tree produces fruit, genuine love produces acts of kindness, service, and selflessness. Love is not just something we feel; it is something we actively do.
The author also emphasizes the importance of love within a romantic relationship. He highlights the significance of expressing love through physical affection, words of affirmation, and quality time. Love is not limited to grand gestures but is often found in the small, everyday acts of thoughtfulness and care.
Harris addresses the misconception that love should only be reciprocated. He argues that love should be given freely without expecting anything in return, just as God’s love is freely given to us. He encourages readers to love not only those who are easy to love but also those who are difficult or unlovable. Acts of love have the power to transform relationships and restore brokenness.
Lastly, Harris reminds readers that love is not an end in itself; it is a means to glorify God. Love is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, and when we love others selflessly, we reflect God’s character and bring glory to Him.
Overall, Chapter 8 of “Boy Meets Girl” explores the practical aspects of love and how it should be expressed in our relationships, serving as a reminder that love is an action and a commitment to caring for others.
In conclusion, Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris offers a fresh and thought-provoking perspective on relationships and courtship. Through his own personal experiences and biblical principles, Harris emphasizes the importance of approaching dating with intentionality, purity, and a focus on God’s will. He challenges readers to shift their mindset from self-centeredness to a mindset centered on serving and honoring others. With practical advice and relevant examples, Harris encourages young adults to be intentional in pursuing healthy and purposeful relationships. Ultimately, Boy Meets Girl serves as a guidebook for those seeking to navigate the complexities of dating in a way that aligns with their Christian beliefs and values.
1. “The Rosie Project” by Graeme Simsion: This charming and witty novel tells the story of Don Tillman, a socially awkward professor, who sets out on a quest to find the perfect wife using a scientific approach. With its endearing characters and humorous tone, this book explores the complexities of love, relationships, and personal growth.
2. “Me Before You” by Jojo Moyes: This emotionally riveting novel follows the unconventional relationship between Louisa Clark, a young woman with a huge heart, and Will Traynor, a quadriplegic man confined to a wheelchair. As they embark on a journey that challenges their preconceived beliefs about life and love, this story explores themes of empathy, self-discovery, and the power of human connection.
3. “Attachments” by Rainbow Rowell: Set in the late 1990s, this delightful romantic comedy centers around the unconventional love story between Beth and Jennifer, who work at the same newspaper. Through a hilarious twist, their witty email exchanges catch the attention of Lincoln, the IT guy assigned to monitor their communications. As Lincoln finds himself falling for Beth through her emails, this heartwarming novel explores the complexities of modern relationships and the importance of taking risks for love.
4. “Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine” by Gail Honeyman: This captivating novel introduces readers to Eleanor Oliphant, a peculiar woman who follows strict routines and prefers solitude. As her structured life is disrupted by an unexpected friendship with Raymond, the IT guy from her office, Eleanor’s journey unfolds in unexpected ways. Tackling themes of loneliness, trauma, and the transformative power of human connection, this book beautifully illustrates the importance of compassion and understanding.
5. “One Day” by David Nicholls: Spanning twenty years, this poignant novel follows the lives of Emma and Dexter, who meet on the day of their graduation. Each chapter takes place on the same date over subsequent years, delving into their evolving friendship, romantic endeavors, and personal struggles. With its bittersweet exploration of missed opportunities, personal growth, and the complexities of timing in relationships, this book will take readers on an emotional rollercoaster.